just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
