Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
