bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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