I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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