The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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