It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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