i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
