ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
