very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
