cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
