mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
