The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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