he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
