Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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