Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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