he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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