you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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