Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize