yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
