She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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