when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
