There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
