I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
