either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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