Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
