I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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