apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
