His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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