All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
