I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
