Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
