i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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