It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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