Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
