maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
