he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
