We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
