If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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