It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
