Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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