dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
