He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
