He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
