if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
