This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
