I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
