Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you had me at cake vodka
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
