quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
