We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
