Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
