Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
