I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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