Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
