ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
