Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
