so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
