Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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