Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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