we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
