dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
