Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
