i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
