she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
