I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
