It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
